So today I got on the treadmill and I actually feel better.Hunh!I think the whole suicide thing was bothering me more than I realized. From what I heard the service was …weird. As in the daughter in the family got up and basically claimed that the dad did NOT jump in front of the train; he had a stroke and fell. And mention was made of how his son was cheated out of a father. I’m glad I missed it. I started off the day feeling FAT and out of sorts but am ending it on a much better note. Thanks God!!

I CAN’T STAND not being able to figure out how to make paragraphs on this dumb thing!

I already posted today but I feel like checking in. The funeral was today for the father who jumped in front of a train. I didn’t go. I never had hisson as a student and although I have been praying for them at every free moment I didn’t think I needed to be there. I didn’t get on the treadmill today. I didn’t feel like it. Also, I can’t stop eating.sigh…. 

Read the prepared statement on the suicide to my class. Surreal.Pondering the place of “faith community” in my life. Husband is so vehemently opposed to having to connect with anyone at church.How important is it for us to worship together as a family?Maybe he wouldn’t be happy anywhere? 

 What follows is an email exchange that proves that prejudicial stereotypes are alive and well in the new millenium. (Just in case you were wondering…) And here’s another stereotype thrown in as an added bonus….Debbi is a  NASCAR fan!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                     (I included all the preceding exchange for clarification.)

BTW I meant the muffler was loud and obnoxious-I just did not want to offend anyone. Actually DH was the one who used that term, so please do not be mad at me. Debbi

Jane  wrote:

Ha Ha!! I’m Hispanic! 100% Colombian blood. (but born and raised in theU.S.)and I don’t have an illegal muffler.—                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    ”Gio, Debbi & The Boys” wrote:> Oh Joni, I am so sorry, I know how hard this is when> it feels like > everything is going wrong all at once. Told DH the> story and he said its > a muffler that a punk uses to drive, or generally> speaking the Hispanic > Population-no offense ok, they are known for being> loud and obnoxious. > Do hope things settle down for you guys soon. Glad> DD got a good car > too. Take care. Debbi

 

 you

> will> > never believe this story . . .> >> > DD’s BF went this morning to register his car,> then> > came over to pick up Liz this afternoon. A cop> pulled> > him over for having an “illegal muffler” –> whatever> > that is. He had no idea, of course, since he’d> just> > bought the car. Then he hands over his paperwork> and> > realizes that he picked up the wrong items and had> his> > insurance card and license but no registration!> When> > they ran the VIN # the assholes from the DMV> hadn’t> > gotten it through the system yet and so it was> still> > under the name of the previous owner! So they> > impounded his car and he had to go home and get> the> > registration, and he and his mom had to go back to> the> > Milford PD to prove it is really his so he could> get> > his plates back. He still had to pay for the tow,> for> > not having a registration, and he is going to> fight> > the ticket for the muffler since he literally had> the> > car less than 24 hours and had no clue this was an> > issue. Now he has to call the guy who sold him the> > car and ask him what the heck that is all about.> Of> > course now we are worried that every time he> drives,> > he is going to have a problem. The fun just never> > ends!> >> > So my question is: What the heck is an illegal> > muffler?

Ok. I’ve had some time to process the whole suicide thing. This is not my first exposure to it. My ex-husband’s brother committed suicide. In the community where I lived an assistant principal jumped out in front of an 18 wheeler.                                                                                                           I knew that my ex-brother -in-law was a troubled soul. But I certainly didn’t know how troubled.                                                                                      I know I’ve always wondered what could lead a person to such a desperate and final act. What was going through their minds at that exact moment? Were they looking forward to their release from their pain or was there; in that final nano second of life, a tremendous “oh crap! I don’t want to do this!” thought.   Which one of those scenarios is the more tragic?                                                                                                                 In this latest case, they found the man’s bag on the platform with a letter of termination from his job in it. The town in which I teach is pretty well off but by no means the richest town in the state.  But I can imagine what a mortgage in this town must be and how impossible it would be to survive without a job. I’m sure I’ll never know the whole story. But what I do know is that everyone in our school and our community will be affected by this man’s decision. I know I’m supposed to stand up in front of my home room on Monday and read a prepared statement and offer everyone the chance to talk to a counselor and hope to God no one asks me any questions because I have no information to give them beyond what the paper has printed. And how much do the kids need to know anyway?                                                                                 I can only pray that this poor family can find their way to some peace and that parents in this community talk about this with each other and their children and love each other a little more deeply and openly in the aftermath.

Recently celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary. My very generous husband gave me a diamond tennis bracelet. NO! I don’t play tennis!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It’s so beautiful! Every time it moves around my wrist it rips out my arm hairs by the roots!                                                                                            Well, I guess I’m going to have to be more disciplined with the whole Nair routine from here on in!!

Today we found out that the father of one of the 8th graders at our school jumped in front of a train.                                                                                 I’ve never had him as a student but I do have his best friend in my homeroom. (also a former student of mine).                                                                                                               My mind is having a hard time wrapping itself around this. 

I “redecorate” my house just about every month. Not that I move furniture around or anything. I just change a lot of accessories out. In January the theme is Snowmen. I leave the greenery and white lights up around the windows. (I’ve often thought of Jan. as a “dark” monthe so I like the festive white lights. I have snowmen just about everywhere.I know! So chi chi! But I do love it and both my husband and the kids look forward to the next monthe! 

I can’t believe I made it to Friday.    It amazes me everytime.  I need some more energy so it’s back on the treadmill for me.                                                                                                   So … why am I exhausted??